Chapter 345

“Honey. I can’t do this anymore.”
“Hmm? What’s going on?”
Varen, who was lying on the couch reading a book, giggled.
He was on a sweet break at home for summer vacation.
As he slid the book closed, he saw his wife glaring at him with her hands on her hips.
Nemea.
The elite Warrior Lion, a former member of the Imperial Knights and once Jaifa’s direct lieutenant, was now a stay-at-home mom.
“Did something happen at the parent-teacher conference? Off—.”
Varen struggled to his feet.
Even that wasn’t easy, as he’d gotten so big.
Reaching out out of habit, he picked up the cookie on the nightstand.
Varen’s homemade, chocolate and honey-covered cookies were almost the size of a human tray.
I was just about to bring the cookie to my mouth.
“Stop. How many are there today?”
“What?”
“That candy. How many are you eating?”
“Let’s see–I don’t know, I’ve never counted, maybe five or six?”
“Wrong, it’s exactly thirty-seven, and it’s not even noon yet.”
The voice was scary.
Nemea lunged forward and snatched the cookie from Varen’s hand.
“Mu, what are you doing?! Give it back!”
“Oh no. You’re not allowed to eat junk food for a while.”
“How could you say such cruel things—!”
“You were cute at first, but this is a bit much, and lately I’m questioning whether you’re my kind. Look at this belly fat. How is this a wearpig and not a wearion?”
“Kaboom!”
Nemea tugged at Varen’s stomach.
It was so thick that it felt like it came from a fattened cow.
It was hard to believe that this was the body of a man who had once had a reputation as the Empire’s most dashing dandy.
Varen protested, his chin puddling.
“Oh, it hurts, and ma’am, it’s not belly fat—”
“Don’t make that Duck joke. I’ve been seriously thinking about getting an angled room lately. Do you realize how much space you take up in my bed? You don’t know how I feel about sleeping curled up on the cold side of the bed when I’m not even in cold weather training.”
“I had no idea there was such a pain point.”
“Haha–to be honest, I can live with that, because I love you, but lately I’ve been so worried about my health that I can’t get to work. My kids are growing up, and what if I collapse from high blood pressure or diabetes? When you have a family, you have to realize that you’re not the only one who lives anymore. If you lose your health, it’s over, even if you’re one of the biggest names in the empire.”
He was very articulate, obviously coming from a military background.
And I couldn’t argue with them because they were all right.
Varen listened to her speech with his tail between his legs, unable to utter a word.
“Oh, I see, ma’am. I was wrong. I’ll try to lose weight.”
“Don’t be ridiculous. Do you realize that’s the fourteenth time you’ve announced that this year?”
“I, Varen Panasir, have been a continent-hopping adventurer in the past, and I’m going back to the way I was when I first met your wife, so just one last thing—”
Varen’s hand crept toward the cookie.
At this point, the word addiction doesn’t even begin to describe it.
Iron!
Nemea’s tail, flying like a whip, slapped the back of his hand.
“Curhung!”
“Can’t you keep your head above water?! I’m afraid I’ll have to resort to extraordinary measures.”
“T, extraordinary measures?”
I had a bad feeling about this.
Varen swallowed hard and tensed.
Suddenly, the door to the study opened and an old man with a long beard walked out.
He greeted Varen.
“Good to see you. Mr. Varen.”
“Kyo, Principal?!”
Varen’s eyes widened.
He was Kravah Kratyr, a wizard of spatial magic and headmaster of the Imperial Phileon Academy.
His spirit companion, the dream bird Marpez, dozed soundly in his arms.
– pii— piiyyyy—.
“My God, how long have you been there?”
Varen jumped to his feet.
The couch creaked as if it were catching its breath.
Kratir said.
“About half an hour—Miss Nemea begged me to come, and I’ve been eavesdropping on the conversation here, and I’ll come out when the conditions are met.”
“What do you mean, conditions?”
“The condition was that you would start eating junk food immediately after you declared your intention to lose weight. I was hoping not, but Miss Nemea’s predictions were off by a mile, and you’re a steady man.”
Kratyr grunted.
Varen’s face flushed with shame.
He was about to say something when Kratyr snapped his fingers.
Voila!
With a loud crack, the space in front of them warped and a giant portal appeared.
“Come on, let’s get you inside, you’ve been a great explorer, you don’t need much luggage.”
“—Yes?”
“This is an extraordinary measure. It’s clear to me that you’ve gotten a little too fat, and for the sake of your health and the prestige of the Phileon Academy, I recommend that you lose some weight.
“Oh, no. I just told you I’m leaving it out, and you don’t have to—!”
“I’ve already told the kids, I’ll take care of the childcare and the estate, so don’t worry about yourself.”
Nemea nodded.
At the same time, I pushed my dazed husband toward the portal.
Varen was caught off guard and fell backwards.
“Cough! Madam! Principal!”
“I’m sorry, honey.”
“Forgive me for making this choice. Varen.”
“Where are you sending me! No!!”
Varen cried out pitifully, but in vain.
The portal swallowed him up in an instant, then closed.
Kratyr smiled, tugging at his beard.
“Hehe, hopefully I’ll see you on the first day of school looking a little sharper, I’m looking forward to this.”
“Thank you, Principal—I was just asking because I don’t think he could get it off on his own, do you mind?”
Nemea muttered in a worried voice.
He may have been a hard-ass, but he was a loving husband.
I didn’t think I could ever forgive myself if I got seriously hurt.
Kratyr shook his head.
“It’s all right, Ms. Nemea. Even if you go to hell, you’ll come back alive.”
“Really? Come to think of it, I was just talking about what the explorer said—.”
“Oh, you didn’t hear me right. Varen came to Pileon at the invitation of the Emperor himself. He was a renowned scholar and explorer before he became a professor, and I’m sure there are a thousand backcountry routes he’s explored.”
I can still remember the first time I met Varen.
He was a mild-mannered man, nothing different than he is now.
His physical appearance at the time could have been believed to be the descent of the god of the Sioux.
Its entire body was covered in sculpted muscle, and its tail was a whip of steel.
His wild, black-and-brown mane was as feral as Zaifa’s.
‘Honestly, it was a little scary, because people say it looks so much better now.
Varen’s pudding-like transformation was attractive, but his health was a concern.
Obesity was the root of all ills for even the toughest of races.
Nemea was about twice as tall as Kratyr, so she couldn’t tap him on the shoulder.
Setting Marpez down on the couch, Kratyr comforted her.
“So don’t worry, Ms. Nemea. Your husband will come through this ordeal in fine form.”
****
“Kirghhhhhh!”
Varen stepped out of the portal and lurched forward.
The round behemoth rolled for about two laps before stopping.
He managed to pull himself to his feet, his eyes widening.
“Oh, no, don’t go!”
The dimension doors were disappearing.
He scrambled to his feet and ran, but the rift in space vanished just before Varen could reach it.
“Ah… Aaaah…”
Varen hesitated.
There was no way to get home comfortably.
A wave of motion sickness washed over him.
“Woof—!”
It was a side effect of the spatial shift.
It’s been a long time since I’ve experienced such disgust.
Varen looked up only after he’d cleaned up all the cookies he’d eaten in broad daylight.
“So—this is—.”
Once the hunger was gone, reason returned.
Varen slowly looked around him, the ground covered in black stone, not a blade of grass in sight.
Crumbly snowflakes were falling under a rainy sky that was anything but blue.
Snowdrifts everywhere, the occasional wildlife bone.
It was a stark contrast to the lush green islands.
Whirring!
Out of nowhere, a gale from the north swept across Varen.
“Ewww?!”
Varen flinched in anger.
The hairs on my body stood on end.
It was no easy task to get the thick-furred bearion to feel the cold.
I’ve traveled up north in the winter and it’s never been this bad.
‘Of course not. No matter how harsh it is, it won’t be that.’
Varen swallowed hard at the foreboding and began to walk.
I felt so heavy that my knees hurt with the slightest movement.
Soon enough, he was perched on a tall rock, surveying the terrain once more.
“Oh my–oh my.”
As my vision widened, I could see things I hadn’t seen before.
Varen’s gaze was fixed on the distant shoreline.
Ice floated on the black sea.
Drift ice, which is reminiscent of marshmallows in hot chocolate, was an element that was very limited in where you could see it.
Varen sighed.
“——heiran.”
The polar regions once visited by Ronan and Adeshan.
The northernmost tip of a continent without even a small town.
The only place colder than this was the Sea of Wraiths, also known as the Ma Jing.
“This is—this is just too much.”
Varen cringed.
No matter how much weight I gained, this was inhumane.
Dropping it on Heiran and nowhere else.
The distance to the empire was over a month, even if I ran full speed with no sleep.
Of course, I was going to lose weight.
If you can make it back alive.
Varen’s teeth clattered against the cold wind once more.
“Ugh—we’ll have to start with the cold.”
At this rate, I was going to freeze to death on a diet or something.
No wonder he showed up in short sleeves and shorts, with no coat or anything.
I need to get some hides or shelter.
When he regained his composure, the car started moving again.
In the distance, someone’s urgent voice rang out.
“Damn it… Huff! Get away, you brats!”
“Crack! Crack!”
Varen turned his head.
A fox hunter was being chased by a pack of wolves.
Its unusually abundant fur suggests that it is a woolly wolf that lives only in unusually cold places, even in the north.
“Oh no, that’s dangerous—!”
Varen leaped up, kicking the ground.
A golden aura of power-amplifying strength wrapped around his legs.
He normally struggled to climb stairs, but with the Aurors, he could become superhuman for about ten minutes a day.
It only took two leaps to close the distance.
Varen slammed his fist into the floor as he landed.
Kwahhh-!!
With a tremendous shockwave, the ground flipped over.
“Crack!”
“Bang!”
A fan of earth rose up and engulfed the wolves.
The torrent of dirt and rocks reminded me of the moment a giant riverboat burst.
Only three or four that were barely swept away scampered away.
Disarming the Auror, Varen looked back at Wearfox.
“Hey, are you okay! Are you hurt anywhere?”
“Thanks to ——. That’s a lot of power.”
Wearfox was impressed.
It was more magical than magic.
He was about to thank Varen when his eyes narrowed.
“Wait, you’re a—.”
“Hmm?”
The same was true for Varen.
Wearfox’s face looked vaguely familiar.
And a lot of it.
They stared at each other for a long moment, then spoke at the same time.
“Professor Varen?”
“Aren’t you Professor Sekrit of the Department of Curses?”